Let me count the ways:
The phone call
- How: Pick up the phone, call the agency, get fobbed off by the snotty receptionist, send an email to the recruitment guy.
- Ideal for: Getting disappointed.
- Results: By and large completely pointless unless you're already in touch with the right person.
The "be yourself" intro
- How: Send an email to the recruitment guy. It's short, sweet, informative and a little bit funny. You attach your CV and direct them to your website to see lots more stuff. You never hear back from them. They never answer your calls or emails.
- Ideal for: Fans of copying and pasting.
- Results: Signal 0 / Noise 100.
The attitude attack
- How: "Hi, I'm all that and I'm surprised you guys haven't contacted me already. Actually wait, fuck you! I don't even want to work for you. BTW, here's my details, give me a call if you feel like grovelling for mercy." Do this in person at the front desk for extra points!
- Ideal for: Ad agencies with great big balls.
- Results: Don't know, I'd feel like too much of a dickhead to do this in the first place.
The creative campaign to sell yourself
- How: Demonstrate how brilliant you are by doing it, instead of talking about it.
- Ideal for: Cross-media, through the line, big ideas type places.
- Results: Works a treat if you get it right. Doesn't matter if you get it wrong, cos nobody will notice anyway.
Pulling your network's strings
- How: Be bold. Be brazen. Respectfully demand that your friends, contacts, former colleagues - anyone you know in fact - get you a job, and pronto.
- Ideal for: Anyone, any time, anywhere (as long as you have a network).
- Results: This one works!
- How: Up at 11, breakfast and morning stuff till 12, browse the web a bit, do some emails, lunch at half 1. Columbo's on at 2 (sometimes) and lasts 2 hours! 4 o'clock's almost the evening so you can start planning your meal, then go shopping and stuff. A skilled practitioner can stretch this out until about 6, when it's OK to open a beer, and it's downhill all the way after that. Check the phone around midnight in case anyone called or texted you today.
- Ideal for: Lazy bastards.
- Results: I wouldn't know.
Any other ideas? Bring em on in the comments.